Friday, March 5, 2010

Love matters, God is good...but sometimes life sucks.

I originally started this blog as a place to share/vent my personal feelings as I walked alongside my husband.  I didn't feel his CarePage was the place for that, but I wanted to write it all down somewhere.  As this has evolved, I have a new purpose.  There are a few things I hope you see in this blog, a few things I hope you come away with after reading all my ramblings.

1.  Love matters.  Love matters, and love is enough.  Don't hold off falling in love until "the time is right" - you never know when or if that time will come.  People give all kinds of excuses about why they aren't ready to make the leap into marriage:  they aren't financially stable, the haven't finished their next college degree, they want to live with the person and test it out first, they aren't sure what the future holds.  Well folks, you're never going to have all those ducks lined up in a neat little row.  We went into marriage on one salary with the possibility of huge medical bills in our future (Thank you, Capitol Blue Cross, for that NOT happening!), I am still not finished my Master's Degree (year #6...), we didn't live together, and we sure as heck had NO clue what the future held for us.  But ya know what, at the end of the day, the one thing I was absolutely sure of was that I was totally, madly, head over heels in love with Isaac and he felt the exact same way about me.  And that is what matters.  Marriage is not about all the other stuff, marriage is about LOVE.  And if you have enough of that, you'll get through all the other stuff.  It won't be easy, but you'll get through it. 

2.  There is a God and He is GOOD.  Isaac and I were both youth leaders.  This summer at a youth event, the students did cardboard testimonies.  Basically, you get a piece of cardboard and on one side write something bad/negative you dealt with in life, and on the other side write how God has changed your life or your view of that thing.  Over 4 years into his battle with cancer, Isaac's cardboard testimony said "Cancer sucks" on side 1, and "God is good" on side 2.  That's exactly how he felt, too.  He didn't try to explain why he had cancer, or try to understand what God was doing through all of it - he just knew his God was good.  Even in the midst of terrible crap like cancer, God is still good.  God is good - all the time, all the time, He is good.

3.  Sometimes life sucks.  Yep - it's true.  Even when you're a Christian.  Even when you have the God of the universe on your side.  Even when you are in love with the funniest, smartest, cutest, most awesome guy in the world.  Sometimes, life just sucks.  As cliche as it is, I feel like I've been handed the world's largest lemon...and right now, I don't have enough sugar to even begin to make lemonade.  But you know what?  Every day, teaspoon by teaspoon, God gives me a little more sugar...and one day I'll have lemonade.  But for now...I'm dealing with a big freakin' lemon.  And that's okay.

Thank you for walking this valley with me.  I hope you are encouraged in some small way by my journey.  Please, pass this web address along to a friend who might be encouraged by it too!  It's a lot easier of a journey knowing I have company along the way!


  1. Jess,
    I don't think we've ever met, but I've been following your blog. Thanks for the encouragement! I love to hear about God's goodness, because sometimes it's easy to forget what He's done for us.

  2. Jess,
    You continue to impress and inspire me. God doesn't give us trials beyond what we are capable of dealing with. He knows your strength, and He knew you and Isaac would bless each other's lives in different ways. You'll get your lemonade, darling. I know you will.

  3. Jess,
    I haven't met you before but you seem like an amazing woman of God. Still grieving with you for your loss, I can only imagine the joy that will come to you after this mourning. Thank you for sharing your life journey. I hope someday I will get to meet you.

  4. Sending you some sugar! :-)

    My wonderful grandfather passed away from lung cancer in Sept. 2008. He and my grandma raised me, and they moved in with me and my family when he got the diagnosis. I (along with my mom, my grandma, and hospice) took care of him for those last two weeks of his life. It was an honor. And it was heartwrenching. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story.