Even though I am sad, and seem to be on the edge of tears every minute, I feel such peace today. It is at times like this, when we are going through the worst, that we get the chance to see the best in other people. I have seen Jesus all around us these past few days, and think I should share some of my glimpses with you.
After our first really rough night Thursday, I drive to school thinking I'm not sure how much longer I can keep working. When I arrive at school, I find that some dear friends had arranged it so I could stop working Friday. When I shared this with another friend at church on Sunday, she teared up because on Friday morning she had been praying for that exact thing.
I have seen Jesus in the friends who have sat by Isaac's bedside and kept me company. I have seen Him in 2 friends, who come daily to sit and just be near Isaac. I have seen him in another friend, who came home from out of town this weekend and was here by Isaac's side every day.
God's love is in the meals I have received, the email and comments I get, the texts and phone calls, and many offers to help with our needs. I saw Jesus this morning when I got a Facebook message from a high school friend who said at 3am, God brought me to her mind and she was praying for me. Unknown to her, at 3am I was crying out to God for help. Isaac had wet his bed, and I was by myself at 3 in the morning trying to get him to let me change his sheets and clothes. God heard my prayers - and answered.
But, the place I have most seen Jesus through all of this, is in Isaac. Last night I whispered to him "Do you still think God is good?" and he mummbled "MM hmm" and nodded. Last night, I got a measure of peace when I was Isaac said to me 'In Heaven, I won't have to worry about this. I won't have to have this feeling. No more pain."
So yes...this is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. It's the lowest valley and the dryest desert. But God is in it with me. He shows His face daily. I will be okay.