Wednesday, May 26, 2010

When I'm thankful you are not here...

Sunday morning I woke up for church and I was laying in bed thinking about how I miss going to church with Isaac.  I was just thinking about how I miss the feeling of finding him in the lobby in his red sweatshirt and hugging him.  And then I heard this voice (makes me sound a tad crazy, huh?) that said "Do you miss how I almost never made it sitting through a single church service because of the pain in my hip?"  Well... of course not.  I hated seeing him in pain.

Things like that have been in my thought process a lot this week - things that make me thankful Isaac is not here.  Sounds strange, I know.  I wish Isaac was still here, but I wish he was still here and he was completely cancer free and totally healthy.  I don't wish he was still here going to get blood drawn twice a week, driving to Pittsburgh for chemos, flying to Houston and just praying there was some treatment.  I don't wish he was still here chained to an oxygen tank.  I don't wish he was still here taking huge amounts of pain killer just to make it through the day.  I don't wish he was still here and I had to check my phone every half hour wondering how he was feeling that day.

Every single day I thank God for freeing Isaac from the chains of cancer.  I don't wish Isaac was still here...but I sure wish Heaven had a phone so I could talk to him. 

Check this song out - it's called "The Valley Song" by Jars of Clay, and it happened to play on my Pandora as I was writing this!

"I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy.
When death, like a gypsy,
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face."


  1. Your strength amazes me. I am very inspired by you and hope I can some how gain the strength that you have. XOXO

  2. - A total ditto to Ora. I am in awe of you Jessica. Lots of love and prayers coming your way.


  3. Your posts gave me goose bumps. Sending Hugs your way. I know how you feel. I, too, lost my husband at a young age to a heart attack and my dad to cancer.