That blog title didn't make sense, did it? It's the best way I can describe this week. It was not a great week...but it was also one of the best weeks I've had since Isaac died. Strange, huh?
It was not a great week because I was feeling extra emotional (it's totally awesome being a woman!) at the beginning of the week, and just found myself overall feeling empty rather often this week. I spent some time this week looking back - looking at old emails (I saved every single email Isaac and I sent each other!), looking at the notes our hospice workers left every day they saw Isaac, and even read all my old blogs (some of which, I actually really forgot about writing). It just reminded me how quickly Isaac's condition went downhill - and how that was the worst part of the entire experience for me.
It was a great week because I have experienced awesome encouragement this week. A group of wonderful gals and I have been emailing each other every day to share what we read in our quiet time (quiet time = time spent with God, reading the Bible, praying, etc.) For a few of us (me included), this meant actually having a quiet time every day - something I've been out of habit in doing. I look forward to their emails every day, knowing I'm going to be encouraged! I also kept hearing really fabulous new songs on the radio at random times every day. And, I got a handwritten letter from a busy college student in the mail today. (a busy college student who spent every day of his last week of winter break sitting in my dining room with Isaac...and harassing my poor overweight cat!)
I was thinking about this idea of a "really good bad week" this morning. And, this verse 'randomly' happened to show up in my quiet time: "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) Um....coincidence? I think not. More like a perfect reminder from God that the reason I have hope...the reason Isaac had hope...was our faith in Christ! The reason I can smile through the tears is how completely confident I am that God is using all of this pain FOR GOOD!