Planning

I often wonder what it is like to be married to a "normal" man.  I wonder what it's like to actually be able to plan for your future.  One of the most exhausting parts of this journey is the lack of ability to plan ahead.  Right now, my "long range plan" goes as far as April 5th.  That's the day of Isaac's next visit to Houston...his next round of scans where we can see the progress of the cancer.  I don't even think about the summer too much.  We were given a free week at our friends' beach condo in Myrtle Beach, and I'd like to plan a trip...but I have no idea where we'll be in 6 months.  I have no idea if Isaac will be alive in 6 months, or if he is alive, if he'll be healthy enough to spend a week at the beach.

My 'biological clock' is also becoming a bit of an issue.  It's not that I'm necessarily ready to have a baby...but I'm ready to start entertaining the idea.  I'm ready to start having the "when do we want to start trying" conversation.  But, with a terminally ill husband - who has also had 50+ rounds of the strongest chemos they make - I just have to hit the snooze on my quietly ticking biological clock.