Guilt

I teach 6th grade.  When I come home from work, I've spent the previous 7.5 hours on my feet surrounded by constant noise and having to be "on stage".  I'm tired and "peopled-out", as I call it, and I usually just want some down time to recharge.  This hour or so of recharge time has been the toughest thing for me to adjust to since being married.  Since my husband is home mostly all day, usually by himself, he is eager to talk to me when I get home.  I struggle to find a balance between getting the down time I want, and still spending quality time with the hubby.  More often than not, I end up being cranky and snappy at him.  Then, I feel bad...because I always think "I should cherish every single second I have with him and never, ever be annoyed."  But is that realistic?  When he is gone, I know I these moments will stick in my mind.  I will wish I could take back every single second that I was cranky and change it into seconds of bliss.  But, I also know we are human...we are not perfect. 

Though, I do need to work on being a more loving wife.  I sometimes feel like all the "stuff" I do shows my love enough - stuff like sorting his pills every week, reordering prescriptions, traveling to doctor's appointments, doing extra "chores" around the house.  Yes, that stuff shows that I love him and am devoted to him.  But, I think in the end I won't think "Wow, all those pills I sorted really showed my love"...I will think about the times when I stayed in bed and snuggled up to him for an extra few minutes, or sat watching a TV show I hate for an hour just to hang out with him, or wandered through an aquarium listening to him point out the different fish and corals.  In the end, the memories and the things I will cherish will be our moments together, not the stuff either of us did.  I get so easily distracted by the world, by my job and by other stupid things that I often forget to just enjoy the company of the man I love.